i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
