i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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