Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
