Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
