im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
