I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
