what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
