I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
