Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
