I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
