help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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