We named our party play list daddy issues
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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