3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
