they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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