The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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