Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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