I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I forgot how hot balto sounded
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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