I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
