I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
