y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
