i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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