is your mom at the bar?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
