what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
