you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
