OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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