i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
