I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Randomize
