moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
