that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
