I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize