I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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