I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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