He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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