I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
