God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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