Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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