I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
