I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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