dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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