When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
