eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
