just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
