i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
