I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
