I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
