whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
