Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
