It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
