I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
