it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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