tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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