haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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