you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
