Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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