I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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