i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
