Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
