Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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