i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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