My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
