Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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