Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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