totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize