will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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