This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
