i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
