Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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