I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
