did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
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