is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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