First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
