It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
