I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
