You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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