Pappa wants mamma naked
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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