he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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